Insecurities: How to stop letting them rule you

Let me ask you something real quick like.  How many daily decisions do you think are fueled by insecurities?  Think about it, I got time. 

What should I wear? Well I look fat in that.

Should I text him? No then I'll seem needy.

Should I ask my boss if I can sit in on that meeting? No that's terrifying.  

I shouldn't be with that dickhead but what if i don't find someone better?

OK people,  it's time that we stop basing our decision making on insecurities and start using the confidence and logic that is hiding somewhere in our brains.  I promise that life is so much less scary than you think it is. 

I've come up with 4 steps to stop letting insecurities rule you.  Read them, use them, practice them, love them. 

1. Recognize your insecurities

We all have them.  So before you get all defensive, realize that being insecure may itself be your insecurity.  No one wants to admit that they aren't as strong as they could be, but you're a human so accept that you will have some downfalls.

A good way to recognize your insecurities is to note when you have a little twinge of fear or apprehension.  For example,  if your bf/gf takes longer than usual to get back to you and your mind immediately starts wondering if s/he's breaking up with you/sleeping with your best friend.  You probably have some insecurities surrounding trust. 

Once this is recognized, you can create a different routine to replace the sheer panic that seems to overtake you. We'll get to that later.

2. Remind yourself of reality

There is a big difference between: 

"OK"

and

"OK i hate you and don't ever want to talk to you again."  

So don't assume that they're the same.  

First of all, figure out if what you're feeling is insecurity or if you may be in a situation is less than suitable for you.   If you find that it's the former, give yourself a little pep talk and then remember that overthinking things is wildly detrimental.   If no ones dying, then relax and stop thinking about it.  It's incredibly common to make decisions based on fear, think about how much you're losing when you let fear drive you.  Be brave all.  Be Brave, Professor. (Harry Potter quotes ALL DAY) 

3. Don't make any decisions

A good rule to live by is that fire rule we were taught as kids. Stop. Drop. Roll.  Maybe not the roll part, don't do drugs. 

But stop what you're doing, drop your phone if you have to and take a few deep breaths.  The next step for me personally is to write or workout.  

Find a different routine IMMEDIATELY so that you can take your mind away from what's causing you to feel insecure.  Don't resort to any routine however, make it a healthy one.  Something that will benefit you in the long run.  Like yoga or running or reading.   Just remind yourself that no decision is too urgent that you can't stop and think before you act.  

4. Spill it to Someone Who Will Listen

After you've realized what insecurities are driving your decisions, talk with someone you trust about it.  Letting go of insecurities requires support and most importantly, a release of those feelings.  

If your own insecurities run deeper than a casual convo with your bestie, seek a therapist. There is absolutely nothing wrong with getting help.  Ignore the stigma of this, which is also a good example of a decision based on insecurity, if you're not getting therapy because of what others think, you're not taking my advice so GET OUT.  

Bottom line.  Your life will flourish and be so much easier when you stop letting insecurity drive you.  Don't think that you can completely erase insecurity, but you can certainly learn to control them.