5 Ways to Tell if You're Settling in a Relationship

Being that it is in fact, cuffing season (post on that ish coming soon), it’s easy for my fellow singles to enter relationships at lightning speed with someone who may not be best suited to them.  Likewise, it’s also that time of year where relationships that should probably end will enter that phase of what I like to call the “I hate you but I don’t really feel like breaking up” stage.   If you have a small inclination that you might be settling, you probs are.

Here are 5 ways to tell if you’re settling

1.       You look at other relationships with envy

If you see another couple hand in hand and you think how can I make my relationship like that or I wish my SO looked at me like that.  I am here to tell you to GET. THE. F*CK. OUT. 

This is a tell-tale sign that you my friend, are settling.  Now, remember that no one is perfect and couples will fight, that’s normal.  I’m talking about something deeper than that, something that gnaws at you and comes up on the daily.

It’s simply unfair to continue a relationship with someone when you’re looking at Lucy and Luke the same way you look at a chocolate cake.  If you want something different, don’t settle.  Go find it.

2.       You find yourself wanting to change your SO or vice versa

As previously stated, no one is perfect.  Not one person.  Including yourself.  That being restated, do not making the classic mistake of thinking you can change a person. 

You’re with the wrong person if all you want is for your boyfriend (or girlfriend) to wake up early to make you coffee when s/he actually enjoys sleeping until 11am and doesn’t drink coffee. 

You’re settling if you have to hide your emotions because s/he gets uneasy when any bit of conflict comes up.   Don’t change yourself unless you are truly unhappy with the person you are.  Don’t be the person who forces change on someone else unless they are truly unhappy with who they are.  Period. 

3.       Your SO doesn’t encourage you or motivate you to be your best

The moment I knew I loved someone (in a previous life), was when I felt genuinely encouraged by them.  This person gave me the confidence and know how to grow and focus on what I wanted.  And, to my amazement, it had absolutely nothing to do with him.  He was just there to cheer me on. And I was there to tell him how great he was as well.

Love is selfless.  If your SO is “the jealous type” and doesn’t allow you to grow within your own passions, you are definitely settling for someone who is insecure and also extremely detrimental to your wellbeing.  Your life shouldn’t revolve around this person.  

Your partner should be the wind beneath your wings.  Excuse me while I barf.  Song lyrics aside, this person should be your biggest cheerleader.   You should be their biggest fan.  If you don’t have a foam finger with their name on it, change that or you be settling.

4.       They make you feel uneasy or stressed

This may be the most evident and dangerous way of settling.  I know that there are people who are completely fine and able to have dinner ready on the table by 5pm and it actually does make them happy.  But if you spend your whole day fretting about making dinner on time, you won’t be happy in your relationship.  

A relationship should not add to your stress levels, it should be the exact opposite in fact.   As a woman, I know that my emotions can get the best of me at times.  But just as I expect my very best friends to allow me to let the Latina out, I also expect that from a partner.  

Holding emotions in for the sake of avoiding pissing your man off will absolutely make you resent him.  On the flipside, if your spicy personality makes him nervous, he shouldn’t stay either.  He needs someone boring and that’s fine.   

5.       Your SO doesn’t like your friends or vice versa

Listen.  Your BFF is your BFF for a reason.  If they are the first one to cringe when you invite your wo/man out with you, take that as a red flag.   Likewise, if your honey is less than thrilled about chilling with your friends, maybe ask yourself why that is.  The fact that you elect to spend most of your time with these people means that you enjoy their company.  Why then, wouldn’t someone you care about fit in there? 

I don’t mean to say that your best friend and boyfriend should go out bowling together, but if disagreements are the norm between your bestie and your sexy, something may be off.

We all deserve someone who lets us be big spoon sometimes and makes us laugh until our bellies hurt.  Breaking up is sh*t but if you aren’t getting what you want, it’s time to bite the bullet and get yourself outta there.